












»°-*, 



55' - . • 





>-o^ 






^oK 



..'^' 



'^6" 












1 o ^n. ^b 






'^. 






oK /'^ "' ■< '^0^ 

* o « o ' -^^ 



...5^, ^^ J 



^^^ ^':^^^% 









*o no' 



r^V^^ii&V/' 






^^<i- 
,^^'"^. 













^0. 






'fi§f.\^^^\ 




A 






<. 



.'1 ^■ 



^^-y 



:^ 



^^y J 



<y 



.V 



■4- 






<p '■'^^.,^.V "^v 



.V-' v!^C^. "^ 









,c^\*:^<.^ '-.^^.^Ir^^X ^c^'.^-;--^^ 



.-^ c-. 



^^>«^.v >v 



^°r.. 







.^" 



Ferguson, of Troy 



A Farce Comedy in Three Acts 



By BERNARD FRANCIS MOORE 

Author of " The Rough Rider" " Brother Against Brother" " The 
IVrecher's Daughter" " The Man from Texas" etc. 



1 • . _x ;^ 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO 
1900 



1 



?5 7i.^7J] 

.M35F^ 



Ferguson, of Troy 



CHARACTERS 



Walter Hawley, an elder i?i the Reformed Church. 

Tom Ferguson, M.D., and a red-hot sport from Troy, N. Y. 

Charley Marshall, a young man in love with Suzette. 

LiONELL Fairfield, a crank that lives next door. 

Mike Murphy, one of the finest iii hard luck. 

Ellen Hawley, the elder' s wife and Tom' s sister. 

Belinda Ferguson, Tom's wife and Walter's sister. 

Suzette Hawley, the elder's niece. 

Johanna Mulrooney, the queen of the kitchen. 



Act I. — Morning, "Trouble." 
Act II. — Noon, " More trouble. " 
Act III. — Evening, " Sunshine." 

Time. — The Present. 

Place. — Drawing-room in the home of Walter Hawley. 

COSTUMES MODERN. 



^7€ytli 




Library of Congre»^3 

Two Copies Received | 

NOV 19 1900 I 

^. Copyright (mtry 

SEfOND fApf^oPYRiGHT, 1900, BY Walter H, Baker & Co. 
Oelivwod to 

ORDER DIVISION 

NOV 27 1900 



Ferguson, of Troy 



ACT I 

SCENE. — A plain interior ; doors r. andi.. ; large double door 
c. ; doivn L. fireplace hut no fire ; opposite fireplace sofa ; 
dotvn R. table and two chairs ; statue on pedestal oti each 
side of door c. ;* carpet down ; rugs before entrance of three 
doors ; velvet curtains for door c. looped back zuith blue rib- 
bons ; up R. c. is a large screen ; over mantel are a number 
of pictures and other bric-a-brac ; other furniture around 
room. Music at rise. Johanna is dusting table as the cur- 
tain rises ; her sleeves are rolled up and her skirt tucked up 
around her waist. 

Johanna {singing~). 

" All around me hat I will wear a green willow, 

All around me hat for a twelvemonth an' a day ; 

An' ef any wan shall ask me the rason why I wear it, 

I will tell thim me thrue love is far, far away." 

Walter runs in from l. 

Walter {his vest is unbuttoned, and his tie and one side of 
his collar are open'). Johanna, stop that infernal singing ! 
{He speaks very crossly as he looks around room.) 

JOH. (meekly). Yis, sur. {Aside.) I wonder what ails 
him now ? 

Wal. What time is it ? {He buttons his collar and fixes 



his tie.) 












JOH. 


A little 


afther sivin, sur. 








Wal. 


Seven 


o'clock? Great heavens ! 


Any 


of the 


family 


up yet? 


{Bes;ins to button his vest.) 








JOH. 


{aside). 


I won't tell him the missus 


didn 


't come 

3 


home 



4 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

herself till afther six o'clock. (^Aloud.) Thim's all aslape as 
yet, sur. 

Wal. {aside). Thank heaven for that ! {Aloud.) That 
will do ! You may leave the room now. 

JOH. But the dustin', sur. 

Wal. Oh, damn the dusting. You may finish the dusting 
some other time. And Johanna. 

JOH. Yis, sur. 

Wal. {looks around and the?i speaks in a cautious whisper). 
Above all things don't tell any one the time I came home this 
morning ! Do you hear me, Johanna ? Tell no one ! 

JOH. Not aven yer wife, sur ! 

Wal. {angrily). No, you infernal idiot ! I don't want my 
wife to hear of it all ! And if I hear you telling it to any one, 
after what I have just said, you can prepare to hunt another 
place. Now leave the room. 

JoH. Yis, sur. \_Exit c. 

Wal. {silling doivn on sofa with a sigh of relief). At last 
I am alone. Once more beneath the shelter of my own roof! 
Now to collect my thoughts. What if my wife should hear of 
last night's escapade. I should be ruined ! Such a loving, 
trusting nature as she has too ! It's a burning shame, that's 
what it is. A woman without a secret. A life like an open 
book. She doesn't even know I have a sister living in Troy, 
New York. A woman with a soul as pure as an angel's. 
While I am nothing but a scoundrel. The idea of Walter 
Hawley, elder of the Reformed Church, a spectator of a chicken 
fight in a dirty barn at midnight ! It's awful ! And to think 
the place should be raided by the police. Horrible ! And to 
think that since the hour of one, I have been hiding from the 
police. Every time I saw the flash of a star, I would dodge 
into some alley, and after running all over town, I finally 
managed to reach my own home at seven o'clock in the morn- 
ing. And all this time my poor loving wife was sleeping on, 
unconscious of the fool I was making of myself. And that 
man that was sitting next to me. The fellow that called him- 
self Ferguson. That fellow was certainly a warm member. 
But there, the Lord forgive me ! I am talking slang again ! 

SuzETTE enlers from r. 

SuzETTE {ill surprise). Why, uncle, are you up already ? 
Wal. {J7imping up at sound of her voice, looks around and 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 5 

theti sits dotvn agaiji). Oh, yes, hours ago ! {Quickly.) No, 
no, child. I mean one hour ago. 

Suz. {aside). How strange he talks. {Aloud.) Why, 
uncle, I don't believe you have closed your eyes during the 
night ! {Staiids at back of sofa looking at him.) I am afraid 
you are not well, uncle. Shall I send for Dr. Ferguson ? 

^V'AL. {aside). Ferguson again ! {Aloud.) Ferguson, 
Ferguson ? And who in the name of heaven is Dr. Ferguson ? 

Suz. Why, uncle, he is a physician, and just opened up his 
office for business yesterday. I saw the sign in the window 
and over the door. Shall I send for him, uncle ? I am sure 
you are badly in need of his help. 

Wal. {getting up a7id speakitig sternly). Suzette, how dare 
you say I am sick? I am well ! Never felt better in all my 
life ! Had a fine night's rest. Never slept better since I was 
an infant in my mother's arms ! {Aside.) I'll bet the police 
will be here for me inside of an hour ! 

Suz. Uncle, do you know where Hogan's barn is ? 

Wal. {startled). What, Suzette? {Angrily.) How dare 
you accuse me of being there ! How dare you, I say ? 

Suz. {in surprise). Why, uncle, 1 never said you were 
there ! I merely asked you if you knew where the place was. 

Wal. What put such an idea in your head ? What should 
I know of Hogan's barn? Girl, what do you know about this 
place ? Confess all ! You must have heard some one mention 
the place, or you would not ask me such a question. 

Suz. Why, uncle, I never heard of the place until a short 
time ago. 

Wal. And then some one told you, of course. {Aside.) 
Oh, Lord, I can see my disgrace being published all over the 
city. 

Suz. {shaking her head quickly). You are quite wrong, 
uncle. The way I came to hear about the place is from this 
morning's paper ! 

W'AL. The paper, Suzette ? {Aside.) What if they should 
have my name in the paper? {Aloud.) What had the paper 
to say about the place, Suzette ? 

Suz. The paper mentions about a chicken fight being held 
in the barn last night, and during the contest, the place was 
raided by the police. Then follows, I believe, the names of 
those present in the barn at the time of thie raid ! 

Wal. {in a zvhisper as he looks arojind room). Names, 
Suzette? {Aside.) It's all up with me now ! I can see my- 



6 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

self locked in a cell peeking through the bars. (Aloud.) 
Girl, did you know any of the names ? 

Suz. {shaking her head). I didn't read any of them, uncle. 

Wal. Where is the paper ? 

Suz. I left it in the kitchen with Johanna. (He walks 
toward door Q.) Where are you going, uncle, in such a great 
hurry ? 

Wal. To find the paper and read the names of those 
present at the disgraceful scene. As an elder of the Reformed 
Church, it is my duty to put a stop to such evils. (Aside.) I 
can feel myself in trouble already. (Aloud. ) You remain 
here, Suzette, and attend to your aunt when she gets up. 
Now to get the paper, and then for my crusade against this 
brutal sport. \^Exit c. quickly. 

Suz. Mercy on me, what does it all mean ? Is my uncle 
going crazy? I never remember him to have acted like that 
before, in all my life. Something is wrong somewhere. And 
then why should he have been so excited when I spoke about 
Hogan's barn ? Well, I am afraid I will have to give it up. 
I am afraid there is some mystery here that needs solving very 
badly. 

Charley enters from c. 

Charley. Good-morning, Suzette, my darling ! 

Suz. (at sound of his voice she looks around in surprise). 
Oh, Charley, how dare you come here, when you know uncle 
forbade you entering the door of this house again? 

Char, (laughing). I know he did, Suzette ! (Both sit on 
sofa.) But then you see I didn't enter this house through any 
door this time. 

Suz. Why, Charley, what do you mean ? 

Char. I mean that, burglar like, I entered through one of 
the basement windows. I knew there was no use in going to 
the front door and ringing the bell, as Johanna had received 
instructions from your uncle not to let me in. 

Suz. I am afraid if uncle found you here now, Charley, he 
would hand you over to the police. 

Char. Oh, I don't know about that ! Suzette, was your 
uncle in the house all of last night ? 

Suz. Why, of course he was. Where should he be? 

Char. But are you quite sure he was ? 

Suz. Why, yes, Charley. He told me so himself, less than 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 7 

ten minutes ago. But what does it all mean ? I believe my 
poor uncle is going crazy. 

Char. Heavens ! No ! What are his symptoms ? 

Suz. Why, when I came into this room a short time ago, I 
found my uncle here and he seemed dreadfully excited. I 
spoke to him and he answered me in a rambling manner. 
Suddenly I asked him if he knew where Hogan's barn was. 

Char, (eagerly). And how did he act then ? 

Suz. He jumped up and behaved in a most extraordi- 
nary manner. He wanted to know how I dared accuse him 
of being there. 

Char. {laughing). And did you, Suzette? 

Suz. Why, no ! I merely asked him if he knew where the 
place was. Finally he calmed down and wanted to know what 
I knew about Hogan's barn, chicken fights, police raids and 
so on. 

Char. And how did he act then ? 

Suz. Worse than before ! 

Char, (aside). I was right then. It was he I met last 
night. (Aloud.) And where is dear, saintly uncle now, 
Suzette ? 

Suz. Gone to the kitchen in search of the i)aper. (Anx- 
iously.) But tell me, Charley, dear, what does it all mean? 

Char. It means that when I come back, I am going to be 
admitted through the front door. And, furthermore, I am 
going to ask your hand from your uncle, and he won't dare to 
refuse me. I have the saintly gentleman just where I want 
him at last. 

Suz. (sternly). Charley Marshall, are you going crazy too ? 

Char. Not at all, Suzette. (He places arm around her 
waist and kisses her.) You will know all in time. 

( Walks toiuard door c.) 

Suz. Where are you going now, Charley? 

Char. I am going to procure a marriage license. And 
once armed with that important document, I am going to re- 
turn to this house and tackle dear uncle for his consent. So 
for the present, Suzette, be a good little girl until I return. 

{^Exit c. 

Suz. (lookifig after him). AVell, I hope you will be success- 
ful. There is some deep, dark mystery in all this, and my 
uncle is mixed up in it. I trust it's nothing serious. 



O FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

Ellen ejiters from R. 

Ellen {seeing Suzette and speaking quickly as she looks 
around). Child, have you seen your uncle this morning yet? 

Suz. Why, yes, auntie, he just left me to go to the kitchen 
and get the morning paper from Johanna. 

Ellen {aside). Merciful heavens ! if my husband ever 
reads the paper I am lo^t. He must not read it ! (Aloud.) 
Suzette, go this very instant and bring the paper to me. 

Suz. But he may not wish to give it up, auntie. 

Ellen (sternly). But he must, I say ! The happiness of 
this house depends on my securing possession of the paper. 
Go, Suzette, go before it is too late ! (Aside. ) It may be 
too late already. Oh, why didn't I think of the paper 
myself ! 

Suz. Very well, auntie, I will do the best I can to preserve 
the happiness of this house. \^Exit c. 

Ellen (looking around and speaking wildly). Oh ! why 
was I tempted to go to that masquerade ball last night ? What 
if the papers should contain a list of tlie names of those pres- 
ent ! It was an unfortunate thing for me that my mask slipped 
off when it did. I am sure that more than one of those pres- 
ent knew and recognized me. And the idea of deceiving my 
poor loving husband. Poor Walter, to spend the entire night 
like a ministering angel of mercy, beside the bed of a sick 
friend. If he should read the paper I would be disgraced for 
life ! My only hope is to secure possession of the paper and 
then destroy it. (Wildly clasping her hands.) Oh, will 
Suzette be successful ? 

Suzette runs in from c. 

Suz. Uncle has carried the paper up to his study with him, 
auntie ! Johanna has just told me so ! 

Ellen (rising). Suzette, we must secure that paper at 
once. (Taking her by the hand.) Come, child. 

Suz. Yes, auntie. \_Exeunt l. 

Johanna enters frojn c. 

JoH. (carrying a duster). Well, sur, the paper do be in 
great demand this mornin' entirely. I wonder what is all the 
news about? (Begins to dust table.) Shure Ireland must be 
free, or somethin' like that, to make thim all so anxious to get 
hould av the paper. Be heavens, I'm gittin' anxious to read 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 9 

the paper meself. An' that just reminds me. The family nixt 
dure sint in wurd if the crazy man that thinks himself a poet 
should stray into the house, to pay no attention to him, but to 
humor him as if he was perfectly harmless. Faith, I'll humor 
him with an ax if he gits funny with me, so I will. 

Lion ELL enters from c. 

Lion. (Jiis face is very pale and he wears his hair long). 
Ah, fair creature, pause for an instant, and listen to the plead- 
ings of my heart. 

JoH. (^looking around ; aside). Sufferin' Shamrocks ! the 
lunatic from nixt dure ! {Aloud. ) Good-day, sur. 

Lion. Ah, yes, sure enough, it's, day — morning. And 
such a beautiful morn ! {Taking her by the hand.) But 
come, fair creature, and let us sit on yonder cliff, {points to 
sofa), and enjoy the beauties of the morn ! 

JOH. {aside). Where the divil is the cliff? {Aloud.) 
With all me heart an' soul, sur. 

Lion. Come, then, fair creature. {Both sit on sofa.) Are 
not these cliffs reminiscent of dear old England ? 

JOH. They are that same. {Aside.) Divil the wan av me 
knows what the man is talkin' about, at all ! 

Lion, {placing hand to ear and listeni?tg). Listen— listen, 
fair creature, I say, hear you not the song of the little birds 
in the tree yonder, as they flit from bough to bough ? 

JOH. {aside). Shu re he sees birds now. I wonder what 
will it be nixt ? {Aloud.) Shure I think they must be canary 
birds from the feathers they wear. 

Lion. Yes, fair creature, they are canary birds. But see 
the beautiful river at our feet. {Points to ground.) Seethe 
white wings of the vessels, as they glide gently down the 
stream. Is the scene not a magnificent one? 

JOH. It certainly do be a very beautiful picture ! {Aside.) 
I must humor this gintleman, or there might be throuble in 
shtore for me. Oh, if Moike were only here ! 

Lion. But, fair creature, shall I sing to thee ? 

JoH. {quickly). Oh, yes, sing be all means! {Aloud.) 
Some wan may hear him an' come to me riscue. 

Lion, {thoughtfully). But stay. I will not sing now. 

JoH. {aside). If I could only place me hand convaniently 
on an ax ! {Aloud.) What shall we do thin ! {Aside.) I'm 
gittin' as bad as he is ! 

Lion, {quickly). Ah, an idea has just struck me ! 



10 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

JOH. (aside). I wish to heaven it was a fist ! {Aloud.') So 
ye were teUin' me, sur. 

Lion. Silence, and I shall unfold to thee a scheme ! On 
the banks of yon stream in the heart of the mountain is my 
castle. I shall fly away with tliee, peerless creature, and to- 
gether we shall enjoy the moonlight from the balcony of my 
castle ! 

JoH. {aside). Now it's moonlight an' castles? Somethin' 
is goin' to happen in a minute. {Aloud.) An' where is yer 
boat, sur? 

Lion. Boat, fair creature? I scorn the use of a boat ! I 
shall carry thee away with me in my airship ! {Juvipin;^ uj . ) 
So, fair creature, meet me in one hour from now at the window 
of the turret chamber of this mansion, and together we shall fly 
through space to my castle in the heart of the mountains. So 
farewell, fair creature, for the present. I go now to prepare my 
airship for the journey. [^Exit c. slowly and majestically. 

JOH. {slowly rising and looking after him). Weil, be the 
time ye git back wid the airship, I'll be in the kitchen wid me 
hand on a flatiron waitin' fer ye, me darlin'. But thin shure 
he's not the only crazy man in the wurld I'm thinkin'. There's 
wan or two in this house as shure as me name's Johanna. 

{Begins to dust chairs again.) 

Walter enters from c. 

Wal. {he carries a pa fer in his hand). So you are here 
again, are you? 

JoH. {nodding). Yis, sur. Is there any thin' I can do fer 
ye, sur ? 

Wal. {crossly). Yes, leave the room ! 

JOH. {twirling the duster over her shoulder). Very well, 
sur. \She exits c. sloivly. 

Wal. {looking cautiously around before he sits dotvn on 
sofa). At last I have the paj^er in my possession ! Now to 
read about last night's escapade v/hile I have the chance ! 
{Looks over paper.) Ah, here we have it ! {Reads aloud.) 
"Last night, about twelve o'clock, or a litde later, a (juiet 
tip was given to the police about a chicken fight about to take 
place in a notorious resort named Hogan's barn, and situated 
in one of the worst jiarts of the town. When the police arrived 
the place was well filled, and a fight between two game cocks 
in progress. The sudden arrival of the police caused a stampede 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. It 

among those present ! A free for all fight then took place ! 
One man who looked and dressed like a minister of the church 
went flying through a small window in one side of the building. 
In trying to make a prisoner of him policeman Murphy received 
the heel of one of his shoes in the face, and he now has a most 
beautiful black eye. All managed to escape, and thus the 
names of those present could not be learned." {^Letting the 
paper fall and uttering a sigh of relief .') Thank heaven for 
that ! I am safe for the present ! 1 wonder who policeman 
Murphy is ? I am sorry for the kick in the eye, but then I had 
to make my escape or face an awful scandal ! A black eye will 
wear away in time, but the talk of a scandal never ! 

Charley enters from c. 

Char. Good-morning, Mr. Hawley ! 

Wal. i^fumpin^ up atid looking around ; then speaking 
angrily). How dare you come to this house ? How dare 
you, I say? What do you want? Didn't I close my door 
against you ? 

Char, (jtodding). I know you did ; but I am here just the 
same. 

Wal. (i7?igrily). You — you — young scoundrel ! 

Char. Oh, keep cool ! There is no use of getting excited ! 
I am not going to run away. I'm here to talk business. (^He 
sits 071 edge of table. ) 

Wal. {angrily'). Leave the place before I send for the 
police and have you locked up ! 

Char, (^quietly). Speaking of police, do you know an 
officer by the name of Murphy, who has a most beautiful black 
eye ? 

Wal. (falling back on the sofa ; then aside). I wonder what 
does he mean by that? (Aloud.) What do you mean, you 
young reprobate ? 

Char, (coolly). Just what I say. Did you ever hear of 
a place called Hogan's barn ? 

Wal. (aside). I must be careful. (Aloud.) Did you ever 
hear of the place, young man ? 

Char, (^nodding). Yes, I was there at a chicken fight last 
night ! 

Wal. (aside). I wonder if he saw me there? (Aloud.) 
And what brings you here this morning ? 

Char. I came here to ask you to allow me to marry Suzette. 



12 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

I have the license in my pocket, and as you are an elder of the 
Reformed Church you can perform the ceremony. 

Wal. (aside). Now to see liow far a bluff will go with this 
young man. (^Aloiid. ) How dare you ask the hand of my 
niece in marriage? (Jumping up and shaking his fist at him.') 
How dare you, I say? (Angrily.) You — you — spectator of a 
chicken fight at midnight ! No, sir ! You are not good enough 
for my niece ! Do you think I would allow Suzette to marry a 
spectator of a chicken fight? Decidedly not, sir! (Aside.) 
He don't seem to be weakening any. 

Char. Well, don't you think she would be just as safe with 
me as she is with an uncle who is a spectator of a chicken fight, 
and likewise an elder in the Reformed Church ? 

Wal. (angrily). Do you mean to accuse me of being pres- 
ent at that disgraceful scene,? 

Char, (iiodding). I most certainly do. 

Wal. (sternly). Young man, I'll iBake you prove what you 
say ! 

Char, (^gettitig off table). Very well, sir, I will any time 
you want me. 

Wal. (aside). The bluff won't work ! I'll have to con- 
ciliate him. (Aloud.) Young man, why are you so sure I 
was there ? 

Char, (laughing). Because when you went flying through 
the window, and while the officer was feeling his eyes, I was 
the next one to follow you. 

Wal. (aside). The game is up ! (Aloud.) And what if 
I refuse to give my consent to the match ? 

Char. Then, by jingo ! I'll tell your wife all about last 
night's racket ! 

Wal. (quickly). Heavens ! anything but that ! You can 
marry the girl, my boy, on one condition. 

Char. Well, Mr. Hawley. 

Wal. Charley, my boy, I know you are a splendid liar ! 
And in case of any trouble I want you to help me out ! 

Char. I will do the best I can, sir. 

Wal. (shaking him by the hand). That will be sufficient, 
young man. And now I will call Suzette and tell her the joyful 
news. (Calls.) Suzette, oh, Suzette! 

Suzette enters from l. 

Suz. Did you call me, uncle? (Aside.) I wonder has 
Charley been as successful as he thought he would be. 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. I3 

Wal. This young man and myself have come to a peaceful 
understanding concerning you. He has asked your hand in 
marriage. 

Suz. Oh, uncle ! 

Wal. And before I give my consent, I want to find out if 
you are willing to take him for better or worse ? 

Suz. {JwJding doiun her head). Oh, uncle, you know I am ! 

Wal. {^^iviug her right hand to Charley.) Then take 
her, my boy, and be happy ! You can get married just as soon 
as you please. 

Char. Mr. Hawley, you are a gentleman. 

Suz. {throiving her ari7is around V<! awkr' s neck and kiss- 
ing hini). Oh, uncle, you are an old darling ! 

Wal. {to Charley). Young man, don't forget your 
promise. 

Char. I shan't, I assure you. Come, Suzette. 

\_Both exit L. 

Wal. {picking up the paper from the floor and holding it in 
his hand). I wonder how many in that infernal place knew 
me last night. If this keeps up much longer I'll be wearing 
stripes before- sunset. I certainly must have made a most dis- 
tinguished ass of myself last night and no mistake. But I trust, 
with the help of Charley, to lie my way out of the scrape as 
best I can. {Sits on sofa.) 

Johanna enters from c. 

JOH. A gintleman to see ye, sur. 

Wal. {looking around in surprise). A gentleman to see 
me ? 

Joh. {nodding). Yis, sur. 

Wal. Who is he ? 

Joh. Shure, an' I dunno, sur. 

Wal. Didn't he give his name? 

Joh. {shaking her head). No, sur. 

Wal. Then tell him to come here. You need not bring 
him here yourself. Do you understand me, Johanna? 

Joh. Yis, sur, I do ! \_Exit c. 

Wal. {Jumping up and walking up and dozvn room ex- 
citedly). I'll bet the man at the door is the sheriff, and he 
was afraid to tell his name to Johanna, for fear of not being 
able to arrest me. {Throwing paper on table). Well, if I am 
to be made a prisoner of, no servant will have the happiness of 



14 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

gloating over my misery. In fact, I am prepared for any- 
thing that may happen from this time out. I am growing 
desperate ! 

Tom enters from c. 

Tom {laughing). Well, old sport, so we meet again, do we? 

Wal. How dare you come here", sir ? How dare you, I 
say? What do you want? What is the object of your visit? 

Tom (aside). He hasn't found out I am his brother-in-law 
yet. {Aloud.) Go easy, old sport ! {Throws himself on 
sofa.) One question at a time, if you please, and no more. 

Wal. {sinking in chair at table ; aside). I wonder, are the 
police after him too? {Aloud, as he looks around cautiously.) 
Well, then, what brings you here? 

Tom {aside). I'll have some fun with him. {Aloud, as he 
looks around, and then in a whisper.) I came to warn you of 
danger before it's too late. To put you on your guard. 

Wal. {in a trembling voice). What do you mean, sir ? I 
have committed no crime ! Why should you wish to warn 
me? 

Tom {rising and crossing to table). Do yoii forget last 
night and the chicken fight in Hogan's barn? 

Wal. {looking around, and then in a whisper). Not so 
loud ! Some one might hear you, and in that case 1 should be 
a ruined man ! 

Tom. And why ruined ? 

Wal. In the first place, I don't want my wife to hear about 
it at all. And in the second place, I am an elder in the Re- 
formed Church, and once the people of my flock hear about 
my escapade I would be driven from the fold in disgrace. It 
was an evil minute for me when I listened to the voice of the 
tempter, and went to that den of iniquity ! 

Tom {enthusiastically). Hogan's barn may be a den of in- 
iquity, but just the same, you would have seen a glorious fight, 
if the police hadn't arrived when they did. 

Wal. {quickly). And that red rooster certainly was a hum- 
mer when he came to use his spurs on the other fellow's neck ! 

Tom {slapping him oti the back). Say now, old fellow, you 
are talking like a red-hot sport from Memphis. It certainly 
was most unfortunate the police arrived when they did. 

Wal. {slowly). Yes, most unfortunate for me, I must say. 

Tom. How is that ? 

Wal. You forget that some policeman by the name of 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. I 5 

Murphy received the heel of one of my shoes in the eye, when 
I went flying through that infernal window ! 

Tom (ciside). 'i'he funniest thing I ever saw in all my life. 
{Aloud.) And that is just why I am here now. Ever since 
the raid on the barn last night, I have been trying to escape 
from the police. I was sure I had them thrown off the track 
and started for home. Just as I reached the corner of the next 
street, I came face to face with a policeman who had a most 
beautiful black eye ! 

Wal. I'll bet it was Murphy ! 

Tom (aside). I'm getting to be an awful liar. {Aloud.) I 
guess it was Murphy, all right ! But how did you come to 
know his name was Murphy? 

Wal. Read it in the paper this morning. Are you sure he 
knew you as one of the spectators of the fight last night? 

Tom. Well,' from the way he started in pursuit of me, he 
must have thought he was after the man who gave him the kick 
in the eye. 

Wal. And what did you do? 

Tom (aside). Now to lay it on thick. (Aloud.) What 
did I do, you ask? 

Wal. (nodding). Yes. 

To^L I ran ! And strange as it may seem to you, he ran 
after me. Down one alley and up another he went. First 
over one fence and then another ! Finally I struck the front 
of your house. The Irishwoman had the front door open 
sweeping the hall. I ran in, slammed and bolted the door, 
and then told the servant I wanted to see you. And so here I 
am, safe for the present, I hope. 

Wal. (aside). I can see my finish now ! (Aloud.) And 
do you think the policeman is on guard in front of the house at 
the present time ? 

To.AL I am sure of it ! He is waiting till I come out to 
make a prisoner of me. 

Wal. Heavens ! what shall I do? If I am arrested I will 
be ruined for life ! Is there no way in which I can escape? 

Tom (aside). I'll smother him in a minute. (Aloud.) I 
have an idea. And it seems to be your only means of escape 
at the present time. 

Wal. Then, for the Lord's sake, tell me at once ! 

Tom. You must disguise yourself, so that no one will know 
you. Or until such a time as the trouble has all blown over. 

Wal. Disguise myself? I, Walter Hawley, elder of the 



1 6 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

Reformed Church, going around in disguise ! What do you 
think my wife and friends would say about me? 

Tom. It is a great deal better to go around in disguise, 
than to sit in a cell in the police station with your nose pressed 
against the bars ! 

Wal. Yes, yes, you are quite right ! 

Tom. I am glad to see yovi are taking a sensible view of 
the matter. It's no joke when you go out, to have an officer 
of the law clap his hand on your shoulder and tell you that 
you are under arrest for kicking a policeman in the eye. 

Wal. What kind of a disguise would you advise me to 
wear? And then how can I explain the mystery to my wife? 

Tom. Leave all that to me. I'll go down to the kitchen 
now and give the servant a note to a friend of mine who will 
furnish us all the disguises we need. I won't be gone only a 
few minutes, as my friend lives in the next street. 

Wal. And see if Murphy with the black eye is still in front 
of the house. 

Tom. Trust me for that. \_Exit c. 

Wal. {looking after him, and then to audience). Only to 
think that I am compelled to remain hidden in my own house, 
and forced to adopt a disguise to save myself from being 
arrested and placed in prison as the result of last night's esca- 
pade. It's awful, that's what it is, simply awful ! If this 
rumpus ever gets into the paper, it will be all up with me. 
How in the name of heaven can I explain this sudden trans- 
formation to my wife, when she sees me in disguise. She is 
liable to take me for a burglar and send for the police. Police ? 
How I hate the infernal name ! All I can do is to trust in 
Ferguson to get me out of the scrape ! 

Ellen enters from l. 

Ellen {crossing to hint). Ah, Walter, ray love, I have been 
looking for you. {She stoops doivfi a7id kisses him.) Have 
you the paper, love ? 

Wal. {aside). I am a scoundrel to betray the love of 
such a woman. {Aloud, as he picks up the paper from the 
table and hands it to her.) Yes, my love, I have been reading 
about the great masquerade ball last night. 

Ellen {aside). Merciful heavens, I am lost ! {She takes 
the paper, crosses to sofa and sits down ; alot/d.) Oh, yes 
indeed, it must have been a great sight. But I am certain it 
cannot be compared to the excitement that must have ensued 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 1 7 

when the police raided Hogan's barn at midnight ! (^Looks 
over tJie paper.') 

Wal. (^jumping up'). Woman, what do you know about 
Hogan's barn? (^Crosses to her.) 

Ellen (^looking up in surprise). Why, nothing, my love, 
only what Suzette has been telling me. 

Wal. (aside). I am rapidly making a fool of myself. 
(Aloud.) Then you know nothing about the place, except 
what this girl has been telling you? 

Ellen. Nothing at all, love. But you appear to be fa- 
tigued ! Did you sit up all night with your sick friend ? 

Wal. {sitting down in surprise). Sick friend, my dear? 
What do you mean ? 

Ellen. Why, Walter, love, you left the house last night 
with the intention of sitting up with a brother member of your 
lodge who was dangerously ill. 

^VAL. (aside'). I had forgotten all about that gag. 
(Aloud.) Oh, yes, my love, I spent a most trying night in- 
deed. But then the poor fellow is much better now. 

Ellen. I am so glad to hear you say that ! 

Wal. Oh, yes, he is better off where he is. He died 
just before I came home this morning. 

Ellen. Oh, Walter, how sad ! What was the matter with 
him ? 

Wal. Oh, my love, he had a most horrible disease. 

Ellen (in a fright, moving aiuay from him). Oh, Walter, 
how dreadful. 

Wal. In fact, the disease is such that the board of 
health are going to hold an inquest over him to determine 
what kind of a microbe he had in him when he died. In case 
the police should call here for me, don't be alarmed, my love, 
as I will be needed as one of the chief witnesses at the inquest. 

Ellen. But, Walter, my love, if the man died of a con- 
tagious fever, you should have burnt your clothes in order to 
prevent the disease from spreading. I will send for a doctor 
and have the house fumigated at once. 

Wal. (quickly). Not at all necessary, my dear ! One 
of the peculiarities of the disease is, that any one wearing a dis- 
guise will instantly prevent the disease from spreading ! 
(Aside.) That's the best lie I've told yet ! 

Ellen (aside). There is something wrong somewhere. 
I'll have to keep my eyes open. (Aloud.) And will you have 
to wear a disguise, my love ? 



1 8 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

Wal. I certainly will. So now be prepared when you 
see me roaming around the house in disguise. 

Ellen. I won't be alarmed, my love. And now, Walter, 
may I take the paper with me ? 

Wal. Certainly, my love. 

Ellen {rising). Oh, thank you, dear ! \^Exit L. 

Wal. (^lookitig after her and then laughing). As a liar 
I am getting to be a wonder ! That disguise business for pre- 
venting the spread of the disease was a brilliant stroke on my 
part. So that now if I am arrested and in disguise, she won't 
think anything of it. I do wish Ferguson was back. 

I'OxM runs infrofn c. 

Tom (^he carries a small parcel in his hand). Here I am 
at last, old man ! {Handing him the parcel.) Here is the 
disguise ; put it on at once. 

Wal. Shall I assume the disguise here ? 

Tom. Any old place you like. 

Wal. Then I will take them up to the library. There 
is a mirror there and I can see better to dress myself. 

Tom. Suit yourself. 

Wal. Are you going to come with me? 

Tom. Well, if you have no objection, I'd much prefer to 
remain in this room. 

Wal. Very well, Ferguson. But do you think you will 
recognize me, when I return ? 

Tom (^laughing). I'll take chances on knowing you all right. 

Wal. Then I'm off. \_Exit c. 

Tom (looking after him, laughing, and seating himself on the 
sofa). I can see a bushel of fun in this house before I leave. 
Still I must try and see my sister Ellen. It will be a big sur- 
prise to her when she learns I am living only three doors away. 
I must try and square matters with her about her husband and 
his disguise. I don't think the police recognized any of us 
last night, and yet, strange as it may seem, I did see the very 
policeman my esteemed brother-in-law kicked in the eye last 
night, in front of this very house less than an hour ago. It 
may be only a coincidence, or the man may simply be travel- 
ing the beat. 

Ellen enters from l. 

Ellen (^seeing him and the 7i stopping suddenly). I beg your 
pardon, sir, I did not know my husband had a visitor. 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. I9 

Tom (^lookitii^ around and then jumping up in surprise). 
A\'hy, Ellen, don't you know me? Or have you forgotten me 
already ? 

Ellen {^surprised ; then crossing to hi/n quickly). Why, 
Tom, my dear brother ! 

Tom {clasping her in his arms and kissing her fondly). 
I\Iy darling sister ! 

Walter enters from c. , sees them and stops suddenly ; he has 
a red bald wig on his head and a red beard in his hand. 

Ellen [kissing Tom). Oh, you old darling ! 

Wal. {looking at them in amazement). WeW, I'm 
hanged! (Shaking iiis fist at them.) I'll kill Ferguson for 
this ! 

(Tom doiijn c. with his arms around Ellen, and facing the 
audience ; Walter at door c. watching them and shak- 
ing his fist at them which holds the beard, while with his 
other hand, he tears the wig from his head.) 



SLOW CURTAIN. 



W' 



ACT II 

SCENE. — Same as Act I. Music at rise. Walter enters 
from c. , and looks around ; he is without the disguise. 

Wal. {doivn c. ). The room is empty! They are gone ! 
Perhaps eloped! {Sits at table.') What am I to do ? Let 
me think ! {Striking his forehead.) Think — think — I can't 
think ! My brain is in a whirl ! The idea of my wife, my 
Ellen, in the arms of another man ! It's awful — simply 
awful ! {Jumping up.) And yes, now I come to think of it, 
they were kissing each other. I see it all now ! The warning 
was only a subterfuge for that scoundrel to gain an entrance to 
this house. The disguise he told me to assume was only a 
blind to have the police call here and cart me off to the lunatic 
asylum. Once out of his way and he would have clear sail- 
ing. And the wife of my bosom was a partner in the scheme ! 
( Walking up and down room excitedly. ) But I'll be revenged, 
ha! ha! I'll kill the two of them! I'll show the pair of 
them what a wronged man can do in the way of avenging his 
honor ! I ana beginning to feel myself gloating over their 
misery already ! 

SuzETTE enters from L. 

Suz. {looking at him in surprise). ^Vhy, uncle, what's the 
matter? You seem to be terribly excited ! What has hap- 
pened, uncle? 

Wal. Child, the worst thing that could befall a married 
man has befallen me ! 

Suz. ^Vhy, uncle, you surprise me ! 

Wal. Surprised ? I am simply thunderstruck. {Looking 
around afid then in a cautious whisper.) 'Suzette, has it ever 
occurred to you that there was a serpent in our midst? 

Suz. A serpent, uncle ? You mean a snake ! 

Wal. Not a snake that crawls on the ground, and that 
warns before they strike. But a serpent that strikes in the 
dark. 

Suz. {aside). I wonder is uncle growins.^ crazy ? {Aloud.) 
Why, uncle, how strange you talk I What does it all mean ? 

20 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 21 

A\'ai,. It means I am a desperate man, Suzette ! I am a 
man looking for revenge ! 

Suz. A^ hy, uncle, I am afraid you are ill. Hadn't you 
better let me send for Doctor Ferguson ? 

Wal. [stopping suddenly and looking at her). Doctor 
Ferguson? Did you say Ferguson ? (^Laughing wildly.) Oh, 
}'es, send for Ferguson ! When I get through with him, Fergu- 
son will be living in another world ! 

Suz. (^looking at him in amazement). Merciful heavens, 
uncle has a fit ! (^Rinis out L.) 

Wal. {laughing wildly). Ha ! ha ! Send for Ferguson ! 
Let him come ! I am ready for him ! I am .a desperate man ! 
{Thoughtfully.) Am I a desperate man as I think I am, or 
only a fool? Actually I am getting afraid of myself. 

Ellen enters from L. 

Ellen. Walter, my love, can I speak to you for a moment ? 

Wal. {angrily). How dare you speak to me, woman? 
I'hank heaven my eyes are open at last ! 

Ellen. What on earth is the matter with you, Walter? 
Are you losing what little sense you ever had ? 

Wal. {aside). Now she is making fun of me. {Aloud.) 
I tell you it won't work. I know all. But look out for me ! 
Look out for me ! And, woman, beware of the vengeance of a 
wronged man ! 

Ellen (aside). Bless my soul, is the man going mad? 
{Aloud, sternly.) Walter Hawley, have you been drinking? 

Wal. Drinking, madam ? FU never drink again until I 
drink his gore ! Til show the world the way in which a man 
should avenge his honor ! Tremble, woman, I say ! 

Ellen. Tremble for what ? 

Wal. Because I know all ! My eyes have pierced the 
gloom at last. And I know all, I tell you ! 

Ellen. You know all, nothing ! You are simply making 
a fool of yourself. FU have to send for Doctor Ferguson, and 
have him place you in a straight jacket ! 

Wal. {wildly). Ferguson again ! Woman, from this time 
forth you can expect but little mercy from me. I am a desper- 
ate man, and I am going to kill the man that has wrecked my 
home ! So in future beware of me ! [_Exit c. 

Ellen {looking after him). Well, what on earth is the 
matter with my husband ? I don't remember him to have 



^2 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

acted like this since we were married. I wonder is he really 
going insane ? I wonder has anything happened to him of 
late, that would upset his brain? Ah, yes, I had quite forgot- 
ten ! The disease ! That's what ails him ! The disease has 
attacked him ! He is without the disguise, and the disease 
has spread already and he is the first victim ! How cruel of 
me to think he was intoxicated. Poor fellow ! The disease 
attacked his brain, and he imagines some one is trying to break 
up his home. I'll speak to my brother and have him attend to 
his case at once. 

ToM enters from R. 

Tom. It's no use, Ellen. I have been all over the house, 
and can't find your husband anywhere. 

Ellen. Oh, Tom, he was here, and I am afraid he is losing 
his mind. 

Tom (/;/ surprise'). Impossible, Ellen ! 

Ellen. It's a fact, Tom, I assure you. He just left me, 
before you came in and he was talking about honor, blood, 
revenge and I don't know what else. 

Tom. And are you able to account for this sudden change ? 

Ellen. Oh, Tom, I am afraid the disease has already at- 
tacked his brain ! 

Tom {in surprise). Disease? What disease are you talk- 
ing of, Ellen ? 

Ellen. Oh, I don't know the name of it ! 

Tom. And how did your husband come to catch it ? 

Ellen. Some man that belonged to the same lodge as my 
husband does, was taken sick and Walter sat up with him last 
night. 

Tom. Last night? 

Ellen. Yes, Tom. 

Tom. And what course has he taken to prevent the spread 
of the disease? {Aside.) The old rascal ! 

Ellen. He was to assume a disguise and thus prevent the 
disease from spreading. 

Tom {aside). This old fellow is all right. [Aloud.) And 
has he got the disguise on now ? 

Ellen. That's just the worst of it. He is still without the 
disguise and I am afraid the disease has already attacked him ! 
Oh, Tom, won't you try and do something for him? Remem- 
ber he is my husband ! 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 23 

Tom. I won't forget in a hurry, I assure you. 

Ellen. And you will help him, I'om ? 

Tom. With all my heart ! 

Ellen. You have relieved my heart of a great weight, 
Tom. I will go and try and find him, and send him to you. 
Perhaps you may be able to overcome the disease before it's too 
late ! \_Exit c. quickly. 

Tom. I wonder what kind of a game is my brother-in-law 
playing on my sister? The idea of him sitting up all night with 
a sick friend is an old dodge, but it seemed to have worked all 
right in this case. {Sits on sofa.) And then this disguise 
business. That was what I put him up to, but he seems to 
have turned it to good account. But the idea of a man wearing 
a disguise to prevent the spreading of a disease is something 
new to me. {Laughs.) That's the best thing I've heard in 
twenty years. I think I'll look around the house again and 
see if I can find my respected brother-in-law. \_Rises and exit l. 

Walter enters from c. 

Wal. {looking around). She has left the room ! Such 
brazen effrontery ! I never saw the like of it in all- my life ! 
{He 7valks up and down the room.) But I will be revenged ! 
{Laughs ; then quickly.) But how can I wreak my vengeance 
on this monster? Ah, I have it! {Stopping suddenly and 
clapping his hands.) I'll make him fight a duel ! Oh, if I 
only had a friend on whom I could rely ! But, alas ! it seems 
the world has turned against me ! I am alone and, it seems, 
friendless ! 

Charley enters from r. 

Char. I say, Mr. Hawley, have you seen anything of 
Suzette? I have been all over the house, but can't find her. 

Wal. {aside). Just the very one I want ! {Aloud.) 
Never mind Suzette, for the present, Charley. I want to speak 
to you on a very serious matter. 

Char, {crossing to Walter 7aho stands c). Very well, 
sir, I am all attention. 

Wal. {sloivly and impressively). Charley Marshall, do 
you know anything about fighting a duel ? 

Char. What? 

Wal. You heard my question. I spoke plainly enough. 
Now answer me truthfully. 



24 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

Char, (aside). I wonder what has struck him now? 
{Aloud.) Why do you ask such a strange question ? 

Wal. {tragically). Because I am going to fight a duel, 
and I want you to act as my second ! 

Char. You are going to fight a duel, and want me to act 
as your second ? 

Wal. Exactly ! 

Char, {aside). Something is wrong somewhere. {Aloud.) 
And with whom are you going to fight ? 

Wal. With the man who has wrecked my home, Charley. 
You are now gazing at a desperate man ! {Aside.) I wonder 
do I look like a desperate man ? 

Char, {aside). I think I had better humor the old fellow, 
until such a time as I can have him locked up. He's as crazy 
as a loon ! (Aloud.) Very well, sir, if you are determined 
to fight, then I will act as your best man in the affair. 

Wal. Glad to hear you say so, my boy ! Now then, what 
weapon would you advise me to select ? 

Char, {aside). Anchors, if I have anything to do with 
the fight. {Aloud.) With what weapons are you familiar? 

Wal. Charley, to tell you the honest truth, I never had a 
gun or a revolver in my hand. 

Char, {aside). Well, I'm blessed ! {Aloud.) Then how 
about swords, Mr. Hawley ? 

Wal. Don't know anything about them either. 

Char. The chances are mighty big ; your opponent don't 
know anything about them either. 

Wal. You mean the man on whom I am going to avenge 
my honor. 

Char, {tiodditig). The same. 

Wal. And you would advise me to fight him with swords? 

Char. Certainly. 

Wal. But he may wound me ? 

Char. What do you care ? Remember you are fighting for 
your honor. And in the discharge of his duty a brave man 
has nothing to fear. 

Wal. {aside). I wonder am I a brave man ? {Aloud.) 
But where are you going to procure the swords, Charley? I 
haven't a weapon of any, kind in the house. And without 
swords we cannot fight a duel ! 

Char. Remember, Mr. Hawley, I am your second, and 
will attend to that matter ! I am going now for the swords. 

\^Extt c. 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 25 

Wal. And now to go to my room and make my will ! 
Perhaps I may fall in the encounter. I may be no exception 
to the rule. Honestly I don't know whether I am a brave man 
or an infernal jackass ! \_£xif R. 

SuzETTE enters from l. 

Suz. {7vriii^ing her hands). Oh, if I could only find 
(J barley. I am sure he would be able to do something for my 
uncle. I am afraid he will do something desperate in the end. 
The idea of talking about avenging his honor. Oh, the man 
must be mad ! I am sure of it ! No sane person ever spoke 
like that. And then there's the lunatic next door. He is 
perfectly harmless, but we must humor him ! If he takes a 
notion to hug and kiss you, you must submit like an angel, as 
he is harmless. That certainly would be very nice for me, if 
Charley should come into the room and find the lunatic hug- 
ging and kissing me. I can see all kinds of trouble in the air 
already. So far I have kept out of his way. And I hope I 
may succeed in doing so until such time as they will lock him 
up. {Sits on sofa.') 

LiONELL enters from c. 

Lion. Ah, fair maiden, why sit thou here m such a pensive 
attitude? 

Suz. (aside ; in alarm). The lunatic himself ! Oh, Charley, 
uncle, where are you ? 

Lion. Why is the fair maiden sad ? 

( Walks dowfi to it'here she is sitting. ) 

Suz. (aside). Uncle says we are to humor him. (Aloud.) 
I am only thinking, sir. 

Lion, (looking doiun at her). Ah, yes, fair maiden ! (He 
sits down beside her.) I, too, was once in the habit of think- 
ing. But, alas ! it's a bad business and I think no more. 
When I thought too much they said I was crazy. But you 
don't believe I am crazy, do you, little one? 

Suz. (quickly). Oh, of course you're not crazy ! (Aside.) 
Oh, if I could only escape from the room ! 

Lion. I told them so myself but they would not believe 
me. I spoke to them of my airship and they laughed ! The 
cause of my ruin was a policeman with a black eye. But we 
shall meet again, we shall meet again ! lUit you, peerless 
creature, shall fare different than the rest of them ! 



26 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

Suz. (aside). I wonder, had I better scream for help? 
{Aloud.') And what have you in store for me, sir ? 

Lion. You, my peerless creature, shall be my wife. 

Suz. Your wife, sir ? 

Lion. Ay, my wife ! I will carry you to my castle in the 
mountain fastness, in my airship ! There we will bask in each 
other's smile the livelong day. We shall listen to the birds in 
the trees singing sweetly all the day. Is not the picture a very 
charming one, my angel ? 

Charley enters from c, stops suddenly and remains watching 
them in surprise. 

Suz. The picture is, indeed, a beautiful one. 

Char, {at door c). I wonder who that fellow is? 

Lion. And now my angel, one kiss from those ruby lips 
and then I will away to prepare my airship for the trip to my 
castle in the mountain fastness. 

Suz. (aside). Heavens, he is going to kiss me ! If I re- 
fuse he may grow violent ! (Aloud.) And will you return 
soon, sir ? 

Lion. As soon as I have given orders to my servants at the 
castle to prepare for your coming. I shall return soon. 

Char, (at door c). I wonder, what is he going to do 
now? 

Lion. But time passes ! One kiss and fond embrace and I 
must be on my way. {He embraces and kisses her ; she sub- 
mits in a frightened way ; Charley watches them for a mo- 
ment in surprise, shakes his fist in anger and then disappears 
from door c.) And now, my angel, I must away and prepare 
my airship for the journey. \^Rises and exit c. 

Suz. [uttering a sigh of relief ). Thank heaven he is gone. 
Now to escape before he can come back. \Rises and exit l. 

Charley enters from c. 

Char. She has fled ! (Looks around.) The fair, false 
and fickle maiden ! To see her in the arms of another man ! 
To see him place a kiss on her ruby lips ! Oh, I am almost 
mad ! But I'll fix him ! In place of one duel being fought 
there will be two. Whete is the elder ? I must find the elder ! 

Walter enters from r. 

Wal. {in surprise). Are you back already, Charley? 
(Aside.) What in the devil ails him now? 



1 



FERGUSON, OF TROY, 27 

CiiAR. (Jaughing wildly). Back? Oh, yes, I am back! 
Back just in time to see my darling in the arms of another 
man ! To see him kiss her ! 

Wal. You mean SuzLlte? 

Char. Certainly I do. 

Wal. And you mean to say you found a man hugging 
and kissing her? 

Char. Saw tliem in this very room and with my own 
eyes. 

Wal. (aside). Suffering tombstones ! it must be that 
Ferguson again ! {Aloud.) And what are you going to do, 
Charley? 

Char. You ask me what I am going to do? 

Wal. Yes. 

Char. 1 am going to have his blood ! I am going to kill 
hi in ! 

Wal. Good ! We will make a common cause of it and 
fight him together. Did you procure the swords ? 

Char. Yes. I left them in the kitchen. 

Wal. Then we will go and examine them at once. While 
we are in the kitchen you can write out a challenge and I will 
get Johanna to hand it to him. 

Char. The very thing ! But do you know what his name 
is ? I never heard it. 

Wal. His name is Ferguson, and he's from Troy, New 
York. 

Char. All right, Mr. Ferguson, of Troy, when we get 
through with you, your name will be mud ! 

Wal. Yes and very slushy mud. He little suspects the 
avengers that are on his track. Let him tremble and beware I 
We swear to show him but little mercy ! 

Char. We swear ! \_Exeimt c, ann-iii-arm. 

Tom e?iters from l. 

Toi\L I wonder where in the name of heaven can my 
brother-in-law be keeping himself? {Sits on sofa.) I have 
hunted all over the house and can't find any trace of him ! 
And that joke I told him about the policeman with the black 
eye being in front of the house seems to be no joke at all. If 
that officer ain't watching this house then I am a liar ! It may 
be a pretty bad business for all of us in the end. How in 
thunder did he know where Hawley lived and that I was in the 



28 FERGUSON, OF TROV. 

house at the present time? I'll have to be on my guard, or 
the two of us will be occupying cells in the station before 

night. 

Walter enters from c. 

Wal. {seeing Tom). Ha ! ha ! you scoundrel ! So we 
meet face to face at last, do we ? 

Tom (aside; jumping up). I wonder is he mad? 
{Aloud.) So it seems. And do you know I have been look- 
ing all over the house for you ? 

Wal. No doubt you were. But you will find all the same 
I am on to your httle game ! 

Tom. Game ? What game are you speaking of ? 

Wal. You know mighty well what I am speaking about ! 
But I tell you, sir, it won't work ! You will have to answer to 
me for your villainy, you scoundrel ! 

Tom. What in the name of heaven are you talking about ? 
Are you going crazy ? 

Wal. And don't you think I have suffered enough at your 
hands to drive any man crazy ? But I tell you, sir, my eyes 
are open and I see you in your true colors ! 

Tom. I'll have to speak to your wife about the way you 
are acting. 

Wal. Oh, yes, make out I am crazy and then have me 
locked up ! Once I am out of your way and then you will 
have my wife all to yourself ! Very pretty scheme to get me 
out of the way, I must say ! But you will find I am a match 
both for you and my wife in the end ! 

Tom. What has your wife got to do with it ? 

Wal. You ask that question of me? Perhaps you don't 
know I came into this room some time ago and found my wife 
in your arms ! 

Tom. Well, what right have you to kick over a little thing 
Hke that? 

Wal. What right ? Oh, no right at all ! I'm a regular 
slob, I suppose. 

Tom. Oh, I see it all now ! {Laughs.) By george ! it's 
the best thing I've heard yet. 

Wal. First he acknowledges and then laughs over it ! I 
suppose, sir, you are proud of the conquest you hav.e made ? 

Tom {angrily). Why, you old fool, don't you know who I 
am ? 

Wal. {aside). Now he is calling me names. {Aloud.) Yes, 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 29 

I know who you are all right ! You are an infernal scoundrel ! 
I would order you from the house, but you might escape my 
vengeance ! 

Tom. Why, old man, don't you know I am your wife's 

Wal. {jjuickly interrupting him). I know enough, sir. I 
don't want to htjr any excuse from you. Inside of an hour, 
sir, you must be prepared to meet me in a deadly combat ! 

Tom (^quickly). Oh, I say, listen to reason. This business 
has gone far enough ! I can satisfy you as regards your wife 
in a minute if you will only give me a chance. 

Wal. Nothing will satisfy me but your heart's blood ! 
You will hear from me in a short time. I am going now to 
prepare for the encounter. \_Exit c. 

Tom {looking after him). Well, I must say my brother-in- 
law is all right. He has got an idea I am trying to steal his 
wife. If the fool would only listen to reason he would act less 
like a fool and more like a human being. I wonder what kind 
of revenge he is going to take on me ? I must keep this quiet 
and see how far he will go before he sees what an ass he is 
making of himself ! 

Ellen enters from L. 

Ellen. Oh, Tom, have you seen my husband ? 

TOxM. Oh, yes, he's been here. 

Ellen. And what do you think of him ? Do you think he 
is right in his mind ? 

Tom. No, Ellen, I am sorry to say your husband is not all 
right ! He is a raving maniac ! 

Ellen. Oh, Tom, as a doctor you can do something for 
him. Won't you for my sake, Tom ? 

Tom {aside). I'll do him before I am through with him ! 
{Aloitd.) Don't be afraid, Ellen. His lunacy at the present 
time has only assumed a mild form. I'll cure him before it 
reaches a dangerous stage. 

Ellen. Do you think it will be safe to allow him to roam 
about the house at will? Wouldn't it be safer to have him 
locked up at once ? 

Tom {aside). If the old fellow ever heard her talking like 
this he certainly would have a spasm. {Aloud.) There is no 
danger, I assure you. He is perfectly harmless at the present 
time. Only leave him to me. 

Ellen. Very well, Tom, I'll do just as you say. Whatever 
you do, don't hurt him ! \^Exit k. 



30 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

Tom. Oh, I wouldn't hurt him for the world. When I get 
through with him, he'll remember me as long as he lives. Oh, 
I won't do a thing to him ! 

Johanna enters from c. 

JoH. (holding a letter in her hand and nodding to Tom as 
she enters the room). Gude-mornin', sur ! 

Tom (aside). I wonder what wind blew this angel in? 
(Aloud.) Good-morning to you, ma'am. (Nodding.) Do 
you wish to speak to me, madam ? 

JoH. Miss, ef ye plaze, sur. 

Tom ( laughing). Well then, miss, if it suits you better. 

JOH. Thank ye, sur. 

Tom (aside). What the devil kind of a house am I in, any- 
way? (Aloud.) You haven't answered my question yet. 
Do you wish to speak to me ? 

JOH. (in surprise). Shure ain't I talkin' to ye fur the last 
five minutes or more? 

Tom (quickly). Yes, yes, very true. But you don't seem 
to understand me. Do you wish to see me on any business in 
particular ? 

JOH. Faith, ye are talkin' horse sinse now, me jewel ! 

Tom. Well, I am glad you understand me at last. (Aside.) 
I'm up against an awful mob in this house. 

JOH. In the first place thin, is yer name Misther Fergu- 
son? 

Tom. Yes. Why do you ask ? 

JOH. Bekase I have a letter fer ye. 

Tom. Then hand it over at once. 

JoH. Yis, sur. 

(She hands him letter and walks toward door c.) 

Tom (quickly). Oh, by the way. There is something I 
wish to ask you. 

JOH. (turning around). Yis, sur. 

Tom. You remember when you let me in at the front door 
some time ago. Did you notice any one in particular on the 
other side of the street watching this house? 

JOH. No wan, sur, but the policeman. 

Tom (aside). Now we are getting at it. (Aloud.) And do 
you know who the policeman was? 

JOH. (bashfully). Shure, he's Moike Murphy, me shteady ! 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 3I 

Tom. Your what ? 

JoH. Me shteady, sur. 

Tom. Oh, I see ! You mean your sweetheart. 

JoH. Av coorse I do ! 

Tom. And what right has he to be loafing in front of the 
house while on duty ? 

JOH. Faith, this is the bate he do have to thravel, sur. 

Tom. Oh, that's it, is it? However, don't forget to invite 
me to the wedding. 

JoH. Faith, sur, ye make me blush, so ye do, sur. 

\^Exif c. 

Tom. So the mystery of the policeman being in front of the 
house is explained in a satisfactory manner. No doubt he is 
waiting to get a chance to dodge into the kitchen unobserved and 
fill up at the expense of my sister's larder. So much for the 
servant girls and the police. (^Looks at letter. ) Now to 
see what is in the letter. (^Opens envelope and takes out sheet 
of paper ; reads aloud.') "To Mr. Ferguson: The mis- 
creant who has come between me and my wife, I challenge to 
meet me in mortal combat. The place, the room in which this 
letter will be handed to you." (Looks around.) That means 
this room, I suppose. {Continues reading.) "The hour, 
four o'clock this afternoon. The weapons to be swords ! 
Signed, Walter Hawley, elder of the Reformed Church." 
{Crushing letter and throumig it on the floor.) Well, I must 
say I am surprised ! The idea of the old fellow wanting to 
fight a duel. And with swords, too ! I'll bet he never had a 
sword in his hand in all his life ! Still there is more spunk in 
him than I gave him credit for. I think I had better hunt him 
up and tell him who I really am, before he does something 
desperate ! \_Exit l. 

Johanna enters from c. 

JOH. {looking around). Faith, the room is empty at last. 
Shure, I wonder is Moike still in the strate. It would be a good 
time for him to come in now. No wan is likely to interrupt us 
for some time. Oh, Michael, me darlin', where are ye? 

(Mike looks in from r.) 

Mike. Right here, accushla ! (/// a ivhisper.) Is the 
coast clear, an' can I come in ? 
JOH. Av coorse ye can ! 
Mike {entering room). Thank heaven for that ! {Stretch- 



92 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

tng his arms.) Shure I am tired to death from standin' in the 
strate so long. (^Sits at table.) 

JoH. Is it tired ye are, Moike? 

Mike. Yis, an' thirsty, too. 

JoH. Faith, I'll fix ye up in no time, me boy. I'll be with 
ye in a minute. {Runs out c.) 

Mike {yawns). I fale tired enough to slape for a 
month. 

Johanna reenters from c. 7vith a bottle, ttvo glasses and a cigar 
on a tray tvhich she phices on the table. 

JOH. There ye are, Michael ; act the part av a gintle- 
man ! 

Mike. Faith, an' I will that ! {He fills both glasses, a?id 
each takes one.) Here's lukin' at ye, me darlin'. 

JOH. Drink away ! {Both empty glasses.) 

Mike {smacking his lips). That's the stuff that will warm 
the heart av any man. 

JoH. But tell me, Michael, where did ye git the lovely 
black eye, ye have? 

Mike. Oh, a frind av mine presinted it to me last night 
with the heel av his shoe ! 

JOH. An' do ye know who the frind is, Michael ? 

Mike. I only wish I did ! {He lights cigar and begins to 
smoke.) Ye see, last night some sh ports attirapted to pull off 
a chicken fight in a place called Hogan's barn. The captain 
got a quiet tip, an' he sint some av us down there. The sight 
av us caused a stampede among the shports. I made a grab 
fer wan fellow that luked like a minister. He wint headlong 
through a small window. I missed him, but his foot didn't 
miss me. 

JoH. An' would ye know him agin if }'e saw him, 
Moike ? 

Mike {feeling his eye). Would I? Well I guess yes. 
Whin I lay me hands on him he will remember me an' me 
black eye, I'll bet ye. {Puffing cigar.) 

JOH. Poor I\lichael ! Shure it will wear away in time ! 

Mike. Thrue fer ye, me darlin'. But thin think av the 
injury to me faalin's, as a policeman. 

JOH. I know it must be awful, Michael ! But thin fill up 
yer glass agin. 

Mike. I will that ! {He fills both glasses.) Here's that I 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 33 

may be able to lay me hand on the man that gave me the kick 
in the eye. 

JoH. I'll drink that down with all me heart. 

{Both empty their glasses and place them on the table again.') 

Mike. Johanna, darlin', do ye know ef I had money enough 
I'd lave the foorce an' sittle down for the rise av me life an' 
enjoy meself like a rale gintleman. 

JoH. Shure, Michael, it's yerself that talks like the rale 
gintleman ye are. 

Mike. An' why wouldn't I ? Shure all av me frinds are 
gintlemin ! An' wan av thim, Johanna, do be an Irish alder- 
man ! 

JOH. Well, well, would ye listen to that now? A rale 
alderman, Michael ? 

Mike. Yis, Johanna, a rale alderman. (^Listens ; and then 
quickly, as he jumps up.) What the divil noise is that? 

JOH. (/// alarm). Oh, Lord, Michael, the master is comin'. 

Mike. Faith, if that's the case, thin I think I had better be 
on the move. (^Looking around.) But where in the name av 
heaven can I hide ? 

JOH. {looking around and then pointing to screen, R. c). 
Git behind the screen, an' remain as quiet as ye can. An', 
Michael, darlin', for the love av heaven don't fall aslape ! 

Mike. I'll thry me best not to, Johanna. 

{^Hides behind screen, R. C.) 

JOH. I must git out meself while I have a chance. (^Runs 
out c, and immediately runs in again.) I have forgotten the 
bottle an' glasses. {A cough is heard from outside of door r.) 
I'll have to lave thim where they are. {Runs out c.) 

Walter enters from r. 

Wal. Once more I am in ihis room ! The room in which 
we are to fight the duel ! {^Walking up and down the room.) 
The room in which I am to meet the scoundrel who has come 
between me and my wife. I wonder has he received the let- 
ter ? Will he play the part of a coward and refuse to meet 
me ? If he does, he had better look out for the vengeance of 
a desperate man ! ( Thoughtfully.) And yet am I a desperate 
man ? It seems since I wrote the letter I am not quite as blood- 
thirsty as I thought I was. He may be able to handle a sword 



34 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

and kill me. In that case, he would have my wife all to him- 
self ! Heavens ! I never thought of that before ! But my 
honor ! Ah, yes, nothing can wash away the stain on my 
honor but his blood ! [Looks around, and then in surprise, 
as he crosses to table.') A wine bottle and glasses on the table. 
My wife is just as bad as he is ! Now she is giving him my 
wine to drink ! I suppose he will be wearing my clothes next ! 
Oh, woman, woman, when I get through with him your turn 
will come next ! {Snuffs the air.) By george ! not satisfied 
with giving him my wine, she is allowing him to smoke my 
best cigars ! I can smell the smoke of my favorite brand in 
this room. Oh, some one is going to suffer for all this. 1 
think my courage needs a little bracing, because I am .dealing 
with desperate people. {He Jills glass, drinks it dozvn, and 
then smacks his lips.) Ah, that's the stuff! Now I feel like a 
desperate man again ! 

Johanna enters from c. 

JOH. {looking around). Misthur Hawley, there do be a 
woman at the dure as wants to see ye. {Aside.) I wonder is 
Mike aslape? 

Wal. a woman, Johanna? {Aside.) Some effort on the 
part of the conspirators to get me in a compromising position. 
{Aloud.) Who is the woman, Johanna? What does she look 
like? 

JOH. She do be a mighty foine lukin' woman, sur. I axed 
her fer her name, an' she tould me to tell that she was an 
ould frind av yours, an' that ye would be tickled to death whin 
ye saw her ! 

Wal. Tickled to death, eh ? 

JoH. That's what she said, sur. 

Wal. {aside). Very appropriate, I must say. To tell a 
man on the verge of the grave he is going to be tickled to 
death ! {Aloud.) Johanna, you may show the woman in ! 

JOH. Yis, sur. {She walks toivard door c.) 

Wal. {quickly). Oh, one moment, Johanna ! 

JOH. {stopping). Yis, sur ! 

Wal. You gave that letter to Mr. Ferguson, as I told you? 

JoH. Yis, sur. 

Wal. And what did he say ? 

JOH. Well, he samed a bit surprised, sur. 

Wal. Did he read the letter while you were in the room ? 

JOH, No, sur. He merely axed me if I knew the police- 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 35 

man with the black eye that has been in front av the house all 
day. 

Wal. ^^'hat ? Has there been a policeman in front of the 
house all the morning ? 

JoH. Yis, sur. An' now what about the lady at the dure, 
sur ? 

Wal. You may show her in. 

JoH. Yis, sur. [Exit c. 

Wal. And so it seems I am between two fires. The po- 
liceman I kicked in the eye last night, waiting in front of the 
house for me. And now this woman sent here no doubt by 
this scoundrel, to get me in a compromising position ! But 
I'll be prepared for them. I'll let them see I am a desperate 
man ! 

Belinda enters from c. 

Bel. Mr. Hawley, I suppose? (She is heavily veiled.^ 
Wal. Yes, madam, I am Mr. Hawley ! 

Tom enters from c. and stands watching them. 

Bel. (removing her veil). Walter, don't you know me? 

Wal. Suffering cats ! Belinda ! 

(She falls in his arms, while he kisses her. Tom is about 
to rush dojvn on them, when Mike utters a loud snore, 
and he falls against the screen, and both fall to the 
ground ; he rises quickly and rubs his eyes at sight of 
Walter. I'om disappears from door c. Just as Lionell 
enters ; he sees Mike and both clinch. Walter is trying 
to escape through r., but Belinda has an arm around his 
neck afid is pulling him back. Ellen now appears at 
door L., and watches them. Johanna is standing at door 
c. 7vith a broom in her hand. Mike a?id Lionell are 
struggling on the floor.) 



QUICK CURTAIN 



ACT III 
SCENE. — Same as Act I. 

Ellen enters from c. 

Ellen {looking around^. I wonder what can have become 
of my husband? Oh, the monster ! To have deceived me as 
he did ! To see him clasping another woman in his arms. 
And the idea of her coming to this very house, too ! Oh, I 
understand it all now ! His playing off insane was a very 
clever scheme to get rid of me and cover over his tracks. But 
he shall suffer for all this. He shall answer to my brother 
Tom for all this. Oh, the monster ! I'll let him see what a 
wronged woman can do ! Oh, but he shall suffer ! 

SuzEjTE enters from R. 

Suz. Why, auntie, what is the matter ? You seem to be 
awfully excited ! 

Ellen. Excited ! Well I should say I am ! And I have 
good cause to be. 

Suz. What has happened, then ? 

Ellen. Suzette, has it ever occurred to you that your un- 
cle is one of the greatest rascals unhung ? 

Suz. Why, auntie, how you talk. {Aside.) I believe 
every one in the house is going crazy. 

Ellen. I am speaking nothing but the truth. Haven't I 
always been a loving and devoted wife to him ? And yet less 
than ten minutes ago, I saw him holding a woman in his arms 
and in this very room ! 

Suz. Oh, auntie ! 

Ellen. And at this very minute she is under this roof! 

Suz. Oh, auntie, there must be a mistake somewhere. 

Ellen {shakirig her head quickly'). There is no mistake, 
Suzette. I saw them with my own eyes and in this very room ! 

Suz. But, auntie, he may be able to explain all. 

Ellen {sternly). Oh, yes, he will get a chance to explain 
all to my brother before I am through with him. 

Suz. Your brother, auntie ? 

36 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 37 

Ellen. Yes, child, my brother. 

Suz. And is he in the city at the present time, auntie? 

Ellen. He is not only in the city, but also in this house. 
I will let my husband see I am not alone and friendless as he 
may suppose. 

Suz. (^asufr). Poor auntie is as bad as the rest of them. 
{A/oi/d.) Auntie, what is the name of your brother? 

Ellen (^proudly'). Ferguson, child ! Doctor Thomas 
Ferguson ! 

Suz. Why, auniie, you don't mean to say the Doctor Fer- 
guson that lives a few doors from here is your brother ? 

Ellen. I do indeed, child. 

Suz. Well, I must say I am surprised ! 

Ellen. And now, child, I am going to find him and tell 
him how my husband has behaved toward me. Tom shall at- 
tend to him ! \^Exit L. 

Suz. {looking after her). Mercy on me ! I do believe 
every one in the house is going crazy. First uncle acts like an 
insane man, and now auntie seems to have a touch of the same 
complaint ! I wish I understood what it all means. If this 
keeps up much longer I will be as bad as any of them. Oh, I 
do wish Charley would come, and see if he could unravel the 
mystery for me. 

Charley otters from c. 

Char, {sternly). And so, false-hearted woman, we meet 
face to face again, do we? {Aside.) How innocent she 
looks. 

Suz. Why, Charley, what do you mean ? 

Char. I mean that I know all ! 

Suz. {angrily). Charley Marshall, I do believe you are as 
crazy as the rest of them. 

Char. Crazy? I should think I ought to be crazy after 
what I witnessed in this room a short time ago ! 

Suz. {quietly). And what did you witness, Charley ? 

Char, {angrily). Dare you stand there and ask that ques- 
tion of me? Dare you. I say, after the way in which you have 
betrayed my confidence ? 

Suz. Well, Charley Marshall, will you be so kind as to tell 
of what I am guilty? 

Char. Oh, yes, I will tell you. And when I am through 
you and I will know each other no more. 

Suz. Well, sir, I am waiting patiently. 



38 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

Char, {sternly). Listen then ! Less than an hour ago I 
came suddenly into this room. {Shaking his head.') But you 
did not see me ! You seemed busily engaged in what was go- 
ing on. And what do you think I saw when I looked into this 
room ? 

Suz. {shaking her head). I am sure I don't know. {Anx- 
iously.) For goodness' sake, Charley, what did you see? 

Char, {sternly). I saw Suzette Hawley in the arms of 
another man. 

Suz. {quietly). My uncle, I suppose. 

Char, {savagely). No, false-hearted woman, not your 
uncle ! If it had been your uncle I would not have cared ! 

Suz. Then who was it ? 

Char, {aside). Oh, the perfidy of this girl ! {Aloud.) 
Just as if you didn't know who he was. 

Suz. Honestly, Charley, I don't know what you are talking 
about. Describe this man to me, please. 

Char. He was a wild individual, with long hair and a face 
the color of chalk. 

Suz. {tittering a sigh of relief). Oh, I understand it all 
now. {Laughs.) Why, Charley Marshall, don't you know 
who that man is? 

Char, {aside). Now she acknowledges it, and even laughs 
over it as if it were some joke. {Aloud.) No, I don't know 
who he was. I suppose you will kindly inform me, won't you ? 
You seemed wrapped up in each other's company pretty much. 

Suz. Don't get sarcastic please, but just listen. 

Char. Fire away, then. 

Suz. Next door is a man that is crazy, yet perfectly harm- 
less. He was an old friend of my uncle's long before his mind 
became clouded. He was in the habit of visiting my uncle 
several times during the day and this custom he has kept up to 
the present time. He is in the habit of making love to every 
woman that enters this house. He is perfectly harmless, only 
we must humor him to prevent trouble ! When you saw him 
he had just entered the room, and the moment lie saw me his 
love making fit came over him. If I had resisted him, the 
Lord only knows what might have happened. And now, 
Charley Marshall, you see what kind of a man your rival — as 
you suppose him to be — really is. 

Char, {laughing). And so it seems I was jealous of a crazy 
man all through. 

Suz, So it seems. Are you not ashamed of yourself, sir? 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 39 

Char. Suzette, I am a regular blockhead ! If I had listened 
to the promptings of a jealous heart, we would have been sepa- 
rated forever. But, Suzette, will you ever forgive me? 

Suz. Yes, Charley, I will, on one condition. 

Char. And that is ? 

Suz. That you will never doubt me again. 

Char. Not while I live ! I came too near losing you this 
time, to ever run the risk again ! 

Suz. It's a lesson, Charley Marshall, you should never for- 
get. 

Char. And I never will ! \_Exeimt l. 

Tom enters from c. 

Tom. I wonder where the old sinner is ? I'll break his head 
when I lay my hands on him ! No, I won't, either ! I'll ac- 
cept his challenge and fight him a duel. He knows no more 
about handling a sword than I do, so that I am perfectly safe. 
The idea of him hugging and kissing my wife as if he had 
known her all his life. With me it was entirely different ! I 
had a right to hug and kiss. his wife ! She is my sister ! But 
my wife is a total stranger to him ! And come to think of it, 
what the deuce brought her to this house ? Did she come here 
on purpose to see him? It must be so. Oh, I'll fix him for 
this. 

Walter enters from l. 

Wal. {sternly). And so, you scoundrel, you received my 
challenge, and as yet have given me no definite answer. 

Tom (shaking his fist at him). Then here is my answer 
now, you old monkey. I accept your challenge and will meet 
you at four o'clock. 

Wal. (aside). He ain't even satisfied with robbing me of 
my wife, but he must add insult to injury by calling me names. 
(Aloud.) And are the weapons satisfactory to you ? 

Tom. Why, you old gorilla, I am willing to fight you with 
anything from toothpicks to Gatling guns. And remember, we 
fight until one or the other of us shall fall ! There will be no 
(}uarter asked or given in this fight, old biscuit face ! Nothing 
will satisfy me but your heart's blood ! 

Wal. (aside). I must make a strong bluff here ! {Aloud ; 
tragically.) You are right, sir, it • shall be a fight to death ! 
And when you are lying weltering in your own blood, and 



40 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

then, and not until then, will I know that my honor is 
avenged ! 

Tom (aside). I wonder have I carried this thing too far? 
{Aloud.) It will not be my blood that will be spilled, I assure 
you ! 

Wal. Perhaps not. But at four o'clock the tale will be 
told. And then may the best man win, and as I consider my- 
self the best man, I am going to win. 

Tom. After me ! 

Wal. Pardon me, before you. 

Tom. Perhaps ; but the hour of four will tell. And now 
we part not to meet again until the hour of four, when we are 
to settle our little dispute. Remember, sir, the hour of four. 

\^Exit c. 

Wal. What had I better do ? Run away or fight ? If I 
run away they will say I am a coward ! If I remain I may get 
killed. This fellow talks like a regular savage ! I am begin- 
ning to be afraid of him already. I'll remain ! I'll fight ! I 
had almost forgotten I was a desperate man ! And desperate 
men never run away ! Then there's that infernal policeman I 
kicked in the eye last night ! How the deuce did he get into 
this house? I'm in a nice mess, I must say ! By george, an 
idea has just struck me ! The swords we are going to fight 
with are in the kitchen. I'll go down and dull the blade of 
one so that it wouldn't cut butter. The other one I'll put an 
edge on like a razor and use myself. I'll show him what a 
desperate man can do ! \^Exit c. 

Mike enters from r. 

Mike {both of his eyes are blacked). At last I have found 
the man who gave me the kick in the eye last night. {Sits at 
table.) He is beneath this roof, an' I'll make a prisoner av 
him before I'll lave the house. Shure, the boord av directors 
will make a sergeant av me fur this cliver pace av wurk. It 
will be a mighty big feather in me cap ! But what the divil is 
he doin' in this house? I'll bet he is tryin' to rob the place. 
I must see Johanna an' tell her to be on her guard. 

Johanna enters frdm c. 

JOH. Arrah, Michael, where have ye been ? Shure I have 
been all over the house lukin' fer ye. 

Mike {looking around and then speaking in a cantiotis 
whisper). Johanna, I have gude news for ye ! 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 4 I 

Tom enters from c, looks at the tivo for a vioinent, and then 
hides behind the screen, R. c. 

JoH. Ye have? 

Mike (nodding). Yis. 

JOH. An' what is it, Michael ? Are ye goin' to be made a 
sergeant ? 

Mike. Not now, Johanna. But I may in time. 

JOH. Thin what is the gude news, Michael ? 

Mike. I have found the man that gave me tlie kick in the 
eye last night in Hogan's barn. 

JoH. Ye have, Michael ? 

Mike. Yis, Johanna, I have. 

JOH. An' where is he now ? 

Mike. Undher this very roof. 

JOH. Michael Murphy, are ye goin' crazy? The idea av 
that man bein' undher this roof ! 

Mike. Ye rimember me tellin' ye the man that guv me the 
kick luked like a minister or daykin ? 

JoH. Yis. 

Mike. Well, that very man is undher this roof now. 
Shure, Johanna, ye had better go to yer master an' till him to 
lock up the silverware before he stales it. 

JOH. Whisper, Michael. 

Mike. Well, Johanna. 

JoH. Ye say the man who guv ye the kick in the eye luked 
like a churchman ? 

Mike. Yis. 

JOH. An' that you saw him in this house ? 

Mike. Yis, agin. 

JoH. \\q\\, Michael Murphy, allow me to tell ye the man 
ye have riference to is me boss, an' the owner of this house an' 
a couple more. 

Mike. Well, fer heaven's sake ! An' thin he is no burglar, 
Johanna ? 

JoH. He is not ! An' now that ye know who he is, what 
are ye goin' to do ? 

Mike. Do me duty like an honest man ! 

JoH. Thin ye mane to arrist me boss, do ye? 

Mike (^feeling his eye). It's against the law to patronize a 
chicken fight, in a barn, at midnight ! As an officer av the law 
I must do me duty, an' arrist him ! 

JoH. Think av his wife, Michael. 



4?- FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

Mike. Yis, an' think av me black eye, Johanna. 

|0H. An' ye won't listen to rasonthin? Ye won't listen 
to no argument from me ? Ye are bound to disgrace him all 
through by makin' a prisoner av him. Carryin' him through 
the strates in a patrol wagon, like any common criminal. 
Michael, I am ashamed av ye ! 'Pon me wurd ye are a dis- 
grace to the Irish race ! 

Mike. Faith, Johanna, I must do me duty ! 

JOH. Thin, Michael Murphy, ye an' I are from this time 
forward complate strangers. Niver spake to me agin. I am 
ashamed to say ye were iver me frind ! [^Exit C. 

Mike {looking after her). 'Pon me soul, our cat has a long 
tail. But thin I must do me duty, girl or no girl. Wance I 
have this man a prisoner, an' I am shure av bein' a sergeant be 
the ind av the month ! Now to arrist me man. (^Rises.) 

Tom {stepping from behind screeii). Officer, just a moment, 
please ! 

Mike (/// surprise). Well, sur. 

Tom. I wish to have a few minutes' conversation with you. 

Mike. But I am in a hurry now. 

Tom. Then you will have to let your hurry wait ! 

Mike. Do you know, sur, ye are a-talkin' to an' afficer av 
the law ? 

Tom {sternly). I don't care who you are. Now listen to 
me ! And be sure and pay particular attention to what I am 
saying. 

Mike {aside). I wonder is this fellow wan av theboord? 
{Aloud.) Well, sur, I am all attention. 

Tom. I have been listening to the conversation between 
yourself and the Irishwoman. Now answer the question I am 
going to ask you, and do it truthfully. Did the captain send 
you up here purposely to arrest the elder, Mr. Hawley? 

Mike. No, sur, he did not. 

Tom. Then why are you here? 

Mike. The captain sint me up here to kape an eye on a 
crazy man that lives nixt dure. 

Tom {sternly). And what are you doing in this house? 
You claim the lunatic lives next door. Then why are you 
here ? 

Mike {humbly). Shure, Johanna is me sweetheart. 

Tom. Indeed. And is Johanna in the habit of treating you 
to her master's best wine, and allowing you to smoke his good 
cigars ? 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 43 

Mike. Arrah, bow do you know that ? 

Tom. 1 generally have my eyes open. {Aside.') Now to 
work a strong bluff on this fellow. [Aloi/d.) Then it seems 
you are determined to make a prisoner of my friend ! 

Mike. I must do me duty. 

Tom {itiigri/y). Duty be hanged ! Listen to me ! Your 
captain is a dear old friend of mine. The members of the 
police board are all old friends of mine. You can go ahead 
and arrest my friend. The judge is a friend of mine and will 
discharge him. That, Mr. Murphy, will be the end of the case 
as far as my friend is concerned. But not so with you. I 
will prefer charges against you. You know what they are. 
And in place of becoming a sergeant you will be dismissed 
from the force. Do you like the picture, Mr. Murjihy ? 

Mike. An' ef I don't arrist yer frind, ye won't prefer no 
charges agin me, will ye? 

Tom (aside). I have this fellow on the run all right ! 
{Aloud.) Well, I really don't know, I am sure ! 

Mike (aside). I hope he'll change his mind, or I'm a 
goner. {Aloud.) Shure, sur, there has been no harm done 
as yet. 

Tom. Well, seeing you look at it in that light, I will also be 
charitable with you. If you promise not to molest my friend, I 
will keep my mouth closed. 

Mike (gratefully). Oh, thank ye, sur ! 

Tom. And now, Mike, you don't seem to be such a bad 
fellow after all. Go down to the kitchen and make up with 
your sweetheart, Johanna. 

Mike. Thank ye, sur, I will. 

Tom. And Mike, if you are a real good fellow, I will speak 
to the captain about you. 

Mike. Thank ye, sur. I wish ye would. An' now, sur, 
I am goin' to find Johanna, an' tell her the news. \^Exit c. 

Tom (looking after him; then laughing). Nothing like 
making a strong bluff once in a while. I would have had a 
spasm if he had asked me what the captain's name was. li; 
fact I don't even know whether they have a police board in this 
city or not. I am not long enough here yet to find out. At all 
events, I got the old man out of a bad scrape, and my sister 
will never know anything about last night's escapade. \_Exit R. 

Belinda enters from i,. 

Bel. I wonder what kind of a house have I got into? It 



44 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

seems every one beneath this roof is more or less crazy. Oh, I 
do wish I could see my brother ! Perhaps he might be able to 
explain some of this mystery to me. 

Ellen enters from l. 

Ellen. Well, madam, now that the mischief has been done, 
what do you propose to do ? {^Both stand c. and look at each 
other scornfully?) 

Bel. What do you mean, madam ? You speak in riddles. 
Will you kindly explain to me ? 

Ellen {sneering). All very clever indeed ! But let me tell 
you, madam, you will find your match in me. I will show 
you I am not a child, that you can trifle with with impunity. 
{Sternly.) I will show you that I am able to meet cunning 
with cunning ! 

Bel. (aside). This woman seems to be as bad as the rest of 
them. {Aloud.) Madam, do you wish to insult me? 

Ellen {sneering). I insult you ? I am afraid you know not 
the meaning of the word ! 

Bel. Oh, you shall answer dearly for all this. 

Ellen {laughing). I suppose you will have me ordered from 
the house ! All very nicely planned, I must say ! {Angrily.) 
But it won't work. You may have alienated his affections from 
me, but thank heaven there is a place where all such wrongs 
are righted ! I mean the courts of justice ! 

Bel. Madam, you shall answer to my brother for all this. 
He will deal with you accordingly. I will not remain another 
minute in this room to be insulted by you ! 

Ellen. I suppose your brother is some big, burly ruffian, 
equally as bad as yourself ! 

Bel. Oh, this is monstrous. 

Ellen. Perhaps before you will go you will kindly inform 
me who your brother is ? 

Bel. {sternly). Madam, my brother is the lord and master 
of this house. 

Ellen. Your brother is the lord and master of this house, 
you say? You don't mean to say that Walter Hawley is your 
brother ? 

Bel. Yes, he is my brother. And he shall hear of my 
treatment while beneath this roof 

Ellen. Then you don't know who I am ? 

Bel. {shaking her head). No, nor I don't care, 

LofC. 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 45 

I'llen. Oh, but you do though ! Why I am your broth- 
er's wife ! 

Bkl. Indeed ! Well I must say you have a remarkable 
pleasant way of welcoming one of the family. Will you kmdly 
explain the meaning of this reception ? 

Ellen. With all my heart ! And when I am through I am 
;.Lue you will forgive me. 

Bel. Perhaps I may. Proceed please. 

Ellen. A short time ago when I entered this room I found 
you clasped in the arms of my husband. 

Bel. Also my brother please. 

Ellen. Very true. Still at that time I did not know he 
had a sister as he had never mentioned your name. 

Bel. Perhaps he thought I was dead ! 

Ellen. Very likely. At all events I grew jealous. I 
thought you were some, one that had come here to usurp my 
place. I grew indignant ! 

Bel. Naturally. 

Ellen. So I determined to wreak my vengeance on you 
first and then appeal to my brother afterward. 

Bel. (^lai/ghing). So it seems you have a brother also? 

Ellen. Certainly, madam. My brother formerly lived in 
Troy, New York. I met him this morning for the first time in 
a number of years, and he surprised me by telling me he lived 
only a short distance from here. 

Bel. And what is the name of your brother ? 

Ellen. Doctor Tom Ferguson ! 

Bel. Do you mean to say he is your brother ? 

Ellen. Of course I do. But you seem surprised. 

Bel. (laughing). Well, rather. 

Ellen. And why, pray ? 

Bel. Because the gentleman you just named as your own 
brother is my husband. 

Ellen. Your husband ! My brother your husband ! 

Bel. If Tom Ferguson, formerly of Troy, is your brother 
lie is also my husband. 

Ellen. Then it seems we are sisters after all ? {Both hug 
and kiss one atiother affectionately.) 

Bel. So it seems. Though we came mighty near being 
deadly enemies. 

Ellen. Still you must admit your appearance in this house 
seemed a little bit suspicious at first. 

Bel. Granted ! 



46 FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

Ellen. And now that the mystery has been solved, 1 am 
sure you will forgive me for my unjust suspicion of you. 

Bel. (^kissing her affectionately). I forgive you from the 
bottom of my heart ! 

Ellen. Thank you, dear. 

Bel. For after all are we not sisters ? 

Ellen. So we are, dear. \_Exeunt L. 

Lion ELL enters from c. 

Lion. I have seen him ! At last I have met the man who 
caused all my trouble ! The man with the brass buttons 
and the black eye ! And yet something seems to be wrong. 
(^Feeling his head.) This man has two black eyes. I shall 
have to visit my castle in the mountain fastness and there con- 
sult the stars. They will reveal all this mystery to me. 

Tom enters front R. 

Tom (aside). I wonder who this fellow is? {Aloud.') 
Ahem ! 

Lion, {looking around quickly). Ah, a stranger within the 
gates ! Tell me, stranger, is my airship without ? 

Tom {aside). This fellow is as crazy as a loon ! {Aloud. ) 
Oh, yes. I saw it when I came in. Are you not afraid of 
some one stealing it? 

Lion. The only one that would dare rob me of it, is the 
man with the brass buttons and the black eye ! 

Tom {aside). By george ! he means Murphy, all right. 
{Aloud.) And why are you afraid of him? 

Lion. Because that man drove me from my home. Made 
me the outcast that I am ! They say I am crazy ! But you 
don't believe I am crazy, do you ? 

Tom. Oh, no, you are not crazy. {Aside.) I am afraid 
this fellow will make it kind of warm for Murphy, before he 
can be made a prisoner of. 

Lion. Of course I am not insane ! And I will show the 
world I am not. And after I have had my revenge on the man 
with the brass buttons and the black eye, I will board my air- 
ship and hie me away to my castle in the mountain fastness ! 

Tom {aside). I can see Murphy's finish once this fellow 
starts in ! {Aloud.) But are you quite sure this is the same 
man you mean ? Might there not be a mistake somewhere ? 



1 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 47 

Liox. The only thing that I can't underbtand is that this 
man with the brass buttons has two black eyes. 

Tom {(iside). A chance for the Irishman yet ! {Aloud.') 
And how are you going to be sure he is the right man ? 

Lion. I am going to my castle in the mountains, and con- 
sult the stars. 

Tom. And when do you start ? 

Lion. Immediately. And now, stranger, farewell until 
next we meet ! \_Exit c. 

Tom {looking after him). By jupiter ! there is no joke in 
this piece of business. This lunatic has some fancied hatred 
for a man with brass buttons and a black eye ! And poor 
Murphy seems to fill the bill completely. This crazy fellow is 
liable to do some harm, if he is not checked in time. It's no 
use to see the place turned into a morgue ! I'll have to help 
Murphy this time, although it goes against the grain to help the 
police on general principles. Lucky thing for me I have the 
very stuff in my pocket that will produce the result desired. 
If I could only run across Murphy in time I could fix the mat- 
ter up with him. I wonder in what part of the house can I 
find him ? 

Mike enters from c. 

Mike. I beg yer pardon, sir, fur disturbin' ye. But have ye 
seen anythin' av a long haired chap in this room lately ? 

Tom. Yes, he was here ! Why are you looking for him ? 

Mike. The captain just sint word to me to bring him to 
the station. 

Tom. Well, you are going to have a mighty hard time of it. 
That man was talking to me and he swears he will have your 
life or know the reason why ! 

Mike. Shure I niver harmed the man in all me life ! 

Tom. Granted ! But then we can never explain the whims 
of crazy people ! He seems to be fascinated by your brass 
buttons and your beautiful black eyes ! 

Mike. Shure he ought to be ! He is responsible for wan 
av thim, an' yer frind for the other. 

Tom. Oh, let that pass ! 

Mike. Faith, an' I will, or I'll git it in the neck. But 
what do ye advise me to do ? 

Tom. Listen ! 

Mike. Well, sur. 

Tom. I have here a certain powder. {He takes small pa- 



4^ FERGUSON, OF TROY. 

per from his pocket?) Get Johanna to furnish you with a glass 
of wine. Drop the powder into the glass. Then get Johanna 
to give it to the crazy man. If he drinks it, it will render him 
harmless, and you can get him to the station before he recovers. 
Do you understand me ^ 

Mike. Yis, sur. 

Tom. Then here is the powder. i^Hands him paper?) 

Mike {taking same). Thank ye, sur. 

Tom. Oh, by the way, Mike, I had almost forgotten ! 
Have you made up with Johanna yet ? 

Mike. Oh, yis, sur, thanks to you everythin' is all right in 
that direction. 

Tom. I am glad of that. And don't forget about the di- 
rections I gave you as to the use of the powder. 

Mike. I won't, sur. \_Exit c. 

Tom {looking at his watch^. I wonder what time it is get- 
ting to be? It must be close to four o'clock. The hour when 
I am to fight the duel with my brother-in-law. The more I 
think of it, the bigger fool I feel 1 am making of myself. One 
sure thing neither one of us will be able to do much harm to 
the other. It seems to me it's more of a joke than anything 
else. And yet what right had he to be hugging and kissing 
my wife? {Looks at watch.) Four o'clock now ! If he in- 
tends to keep the appointment, he should be here now ! 

Walter enters from h.,fo//o7c>edl'yCHARhEy who carries two 

swords. 

Wal. So, you scoundrel, you are here, are you ? 

Tom. Yes. And when I get through with you, your wife 
Avill be a widow ! 

Wal. Talk is cheap, talk is cheap ! 

Tom. And blood is still cheaper, as you will find, sir ! 

Char. Come, come, gentlemen, enough of this ! Select 
your weapons ! {He hoids the siuords out to them and each 
takes one.) Time ! 

Wal. {to Tom). Understand, sir, there is no kicking in 
this fight ! 

Tom. Certainly not ! You don't think we are going to in- 
dulge in a game of football, I hope ! 

Char, {sternly). Gentlemen, we are wasting valuable time ! 
Are you ready to commence ? 

Tom. I am ready! {Aside.) I'll have to laugh in a 
minute ! 



FERGUSON, OF TROY. 49 

Wal. And so am I ! (Aside.) I wonder can I reach his 
kidney ! 

Char. Then commence ! 

(^They face each other, and then com7ne7ice to fight iti an ab- 
surd fashion. Charley is watching them with a grin on 
his face.) 

SuzETTE enters from c, looks at them for a moment in aston- 
ishment, and then rushes down and grabs Charley by the 
arm. 

Suz. (angrily). Charley Marshall, what is the meaning of 
this scene? 

(^At sound of her voice, the fighters look at her and then sepa- 
rate. ) 

Tom (aside). Now to crush the old fellow completely. 
{Aloud.) And so you old scoundrel, you have prompted this 
young woman to rush in when she did, and thus put a stop to 
the encounter ! 

Wal. Liar ! 

(Both of them try to get together again when Suzette steps 
in betiveen them.) 

^\]Z. (sternly). Stop! (Calls.) Auntie, this way, quick ! 

Ellen and Belinda enter from l. 

Ellen. In the name of mercy, what is the matter ? 

(She crosses to Walter's side, and Belinda crosses to 
Tom.) 

Suz. It seems, auntie, uncle and this gentleman were try- 
ing to cut each other to pieces, when I interrupted them ! 

Wal. (to Belinda ; sternly). Belinda, come away from 
that scoundrel ! 

Bel. I shall do nothing of the kind ! This gentleman, 
Walter, is my husband ! 

Tom (throiving the sword atvay and stepping up to Walter). 
I understand it all now. The mystery is explained at last ! 
You are married to my sister, and I am married to yours ! 
AV^e have been at cross purposes all along ! Shake ! (Both 
shake hands.) 



m 

50 FERGUSON, OF TROV. 

Wal. {quickly ; aside). But how about the policeman ? 
Tom (aside to hint). That's all right, old fellow, I have 
fixed all that up. 

(A loud 7ioise is heard from outside of door c, and Lionell 
and Mike enter arm-in-artn and intoxicated. Lionell 
has on Mike's hat and coat, while Mike is in his shirt 
sleeves.) 

Lion, (waving his hand). It's all right, people, I am go- | 
ing to leave you now and wend my way to my castle in the 
mountain fastness ! 

Mike. An' I'm to be a sailor on the airship ! 

{Both stagger out door c. again, still arm-in-ar?n.') 

Ellen. A good riddance of bad rubbish ! 

Bel. And so say I ! 

Wal. And now that everything has been explained satis- 
factorily, let us go in to supper taking along with us our friend, 
Mr. Ferguson, of Troy ! 

All. And so say we all ! 

(Suzette and Charley ttp c. Tom and BELI^fDA down l. 
Walter and Ellen down r.) 



SLOW CURTAIN 



LATEST PLAVS. 



The Old Maids' Convention. 

AN ENTERTAINMENT IN ONE SCENE. 
By LAURA M. PARSONS. 

Author of "Jerusha Dow's Family Album," "The District 
School at Blueberry Corners," Etc. 

One male, twenty female characters and specialties. Costumes eccen- 
tric; scenery unimportant; can be produced on a platform without any. 
This is an excellent version of a widely popular entertainment which has 
long existed in manuscript, but is now for the first time offered in print. 
It is practically for all female characters, since Prof. Pinkerton, its one 
man, may be represented by a lady, if desired. "Pinkerton's Electric 
Transform(h)er " is a marvelous invention, whatever the sex of its dis- 
coverer, and is capable of creating great amusement. This entertainment, 
of which it is a feature, is brightly and humorouslj' written, and moves 
along briskly to a hiughable conclusion. Lots of good characters and 
opportunity for specialties. A worthy successor to the popular " Prof. 
Baxter's Great Invention." Plays an hour and a half with specialties. 
Price 25 Cents. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Scene.— The Old Maids' Matrimonial Club. The Club in executive 
session. Quotations. An unpopular sentiment. The Secretary's report. 
The report of the Treasurer. " Candy kisses." The Lookout Committee. 
" Widower Goodhope." A bachelor by the name of Rigby. " I don't care 
if he hasn't a dollar." A few suggestions toward the propagation of 
matrimony. The club in debate. A literary interlude. Prof. Pinkerton's 
advent. A scientific exposition. Testimonials. "Before using your 
Transform(h)er I was totally blind, and now I can see my finish." The 
great invention at work. " Blonde or brunette ? " Old maids made new. 
A great success. A difficult case. Somewhat overdone. " The machine 
can make no mistake." A hard problem. " I want to be a man." The Pro- 
fessor phazed but not daunted. "Drink the stuff and pile in." An explosion 
— of laughter. 



POPPING BY PROXY. 

A FARCE IN ONE ACT. 
By O. E. YOUNQ. 



Two male, four female characters. Scenery easy, costumes rustic. This 
is a very amusing, if somewhat athletic farce, suitable for the young and 
robust, and likely to be popular among people who rejoice in practical 
joking and high animal spirits. It is distinctly not a drawing-room play, 
but is full of good, broad, boisterous fun, and tells a very entertaining 
story. Plays forty-five minutes. 

Price, .... 15 Cents. 



Sent, postpaid, on receipt of price, by 

BAKER, 5 HAMILTON PLACE, BOSTON, MASS. 



NOV 19 1900 

NEW PLAYS. 



UNCLE SL 

cA Comedy Drama in Four cAcis, 
By FREDERICK H. WILSON. 

Seven male, four female characters. Costumes modern and rustic ; scenery, 
varied, but easy. This is a piece of considerable emotional interest, but relieved 
by abundant comedy episodes. Uncle Si is a good part, combining pathos with 
humor ; and Prof. Ticklepitclier and O'Flannigan are first-rate low comedy 
parts. Has been produced professionally. Plays a full evening. 

PRICE . . 25 CENTS. 



SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — In camp. Uncle Si's experience in the city. " Mr. Potter's field." 
The Professor sees snakes. The tramp. The " Hotel Few-and-far-between." 
The milk-maid. Love's young dieani. An Irishman named Flarniigan. TicKle- 
jjitcher aiid the gun. The proposal. The Professor's courtship. Ruth's father. 
" J mean every darn word 1 said." The tramp again. The Professor goes home 
in a barrel. 

Act 11. — Down on the farm. Tranquillity Hedges. A distinguished way- 
farer. "Git." A niiscue. A carom on tlie Professor. " The bugler alarm!" 
The last day at home. Rehearsing. The fortune teller. A shower of hay. 
A true friend. Frank's father. The wedding gown. Josiah's best clothes. 
"Where's my collar-button?" Tl\e minister. A momentous interview. "I 
must object to this marriage." Father and son. " My honor is at stake" 
A plucky bride. " Whom (lod hath joined, let no man put asunder." 

Act III. — Frank's studio. The lesson in painting. The rustic bride. 
" Skinning a rabbit." Disillusionized. A new face. " Mr RoUeston, your pigs 
is loose!" Married life. Uncle Si's arrival. "Blank mange and Charlie 
Russie." A regular dude. " Kiss ma for me." Ruth's little plan. The Pro- 
fessor. " If you need a friend, come to me." The end. " I'm going out into 
the big wf>rld, and when I come back I shall be a lady." 

Act IV. — Six years later. Ned and Nellie. A striking resemblance. Hus- 
band and wife. " Five years banished from Paradi.se." Flannigan in livery. 
" Prof. Kick-the-pitcher." An old friend. A meeting. Risen from the dead. 
Rachel and the Professor. Josiah opens a bottle. " That bottle kicks worse'n 
a Vermont mule." The dream. Breaking the veil. " Paradise reg.iincd." 



A CONFIDENCE GAME. 

c/l Comedy in T'wo cAcis* 
By EVELYN G. WHITING. 

Six male, three female characters. Costumes modern ; scenery, a siinpie 
interior. A clever up-to-date piece, with plenty of bright comedy and a strojig 
dramatic Interest. The characters are all young people, the dialogue vivacious 
and the action bustling. Particularly recommended for lively young folks. 
Plays one hour to an hour and a ijuarter. 

PRICE ...... 15 CENTS. 



Sent, postpaid, on receipt of price, by 

BAKER, 5 HAMILTON PLACE, BOSTON, MASS. 













v-^^ 




v/%C,- 
















."^^. .^^\^^^^^"^^ .A^^^^;i*i:•/^^. .^^\*;i 






C M «*J 



- ; /% -.Wf . 






^^^^, 



'J^ 







%.«^ 









.0'^ 



.^^ 



:^^^ 



aO' 




V> 



0'' 



,c. 






v^ 



^c^ ^^^m^ 






^ , o « o 






•r^ 









"O^^V- 



•i^- 



